Breakthrough sounds like this:
From P: “I played the whole day with V. and V. [the Italian boys of his age]. We did ‘costruzione’ and in the afternoon we played with macchina.”
And like this, his hand dangling out of the car window: “I love the olive groves.”
And tonight like this, “Mummy, I want to be in this good mood all this evening and all tomorrow morning.”
From H., looking up from her drawing last night, sotto voce “Mummy, I really love my school: senza zaino.”
Breakthrough feels like this:
Four mornings with no tantrums, despite the fact we have all woken up heinously early, at 5 or 5.30 a.m.
Four evenings with children who have giggled with each other while drawing and colouring; started to make up a dance to perform and have begged me to load the dishwasher, no less.
Four evenings in which we have cuddled up for stories without having to have a good old ‘sorry’ first.
Thus I am tentatively suggesting that we have turned a corner. It’s not a hairpin, (which, by the way, on ascents and descents from the mountain, the children love) more a gentle curve. Just a few small steps forward for the family, no giant leaps for mankind required. Maybe it was simply a matter of time, maybe Operation Settle the Children helped, the first strand of which was welcoming Octavia into the house; it continued thus:
1: Love Bombing
Or a bit of Love Bombing: this is basically a way of a parent spending one-to-one time with his/her child, but it’s special time, because the child gets to choose what they do and normal rules don’t apply. We took the principles of Love Bombing and over the last two weeks we adapted it in the only way it would work for us. In reality this took the shape of P. spending an afternoon with Tom in the garden, stacking logs and digging a big compost hole. P came in buzzing from his ‘workman jobs’. We’re trying to snatch a bit of time on our own with each of them, time in which we do our best to bite our tongues and let them lead. P. and I made cupcakes together. H. and Tom had some time shopping and chatting in the local town. Nothing jazzy, more a conscious effort on our parts to try to get ourselves out of the rut.
2: A Taste of Home
SCD Fridays! Home Comfort, it would seem, is a bit of Strictly Come Dancing in front of the fire. They were tickled pink when we got it working. There’s no television in the house, which is great, and no one has missed it, but with the autumn evenings becoming chilly, we all enjoyed curling up on the sofa and indulging in pure entertainment.
3: Home School Fridays for P.
Until ‘Breakthrough’, P had categorically refused to engage with the Italian boys of his age. The barrier marked his frustration: he is not with the older, English speaking boys in H.’s class and this has both annoyed and confused him. His barrier compounded his frustration as he limited himself to playing exclusively with the English speaking children girls in materna all of whom are delightful, but considerably younger than him. To get him out of his rut, Home School Friday helps him feel a bit more grown up. At the same time, it shortens what is otherwise a very long week for him. On the whole, H. has been quite mature in understanding why she is still going to school on Fridays. Home School Friday also means P. gets some more Mummy Time. Not quite Love Bombing, but Lovely Time nevertheless.
- Fior di Bach (Bach’s Flower Remedies)
Game for anything, I took the advice of a friend and the children are having ‘Magic Drops’ a few times a day:
Walnut – the most important one for us, it helps children to cope with change;
Impatiens – to help them feel less stressed and encourage more cooperation;
Sclerenthus for moodiness and needing to find balance.
As with all ‘alternative therapies’ how can I measure if it’s working? I can’t. But I’m quite happy to carry on for a bit, especially given the change I’ve seen since starting it seven days ago. Might start taking some myself, too.